I used to associate that question with job performance, not marital partnership. During a stressful season in our marriage, however, I discovered that attitude lodged in my heart, provoking an explosion of anger toward my husband.
In my mind I was a wonderful wife; the proverbial woman in the expression behind every great man is a great woman. One of my biggest claims to marital fame was that I packed/unpacked for Randy’s business trips; and he traveled a lot. I provided a clothing itinerary, detailing outfits for each event, down to the color of socks, shoes, ties and belts.
I took charge of his packing soon after we married. I wasn’t working then; I had more time (and finesse) and instinctively offered my help. Randy was more than grateful, even bragging to co-workers how I spoiled him with my deluxe packing.
So when he stepped into the ring to spar over my What Have You Done for Me Lately challenge, I was surprised, but wasted no time delivering my one-two punch: that after 16 years I was still packing for him, despite my workload having increased exponentially.
I hadn’t anticipated his comeback: “Uh-huh, that’s just what you normally do now. It’s not something special anymore.”
I had no fitting reply. I stormed out of the room further convinced I was taken for granted. That Randy might feel the same way never crossed my mind.
After all, the only thing he does all day is work. That’s nothing, compared to my accomplishments on any given day, I thought. On weekends he makes pancakes for breakfast, pays the bills, and usually cooks dinner, too. There’s nothing extraordinary about that. It’s just what he…normally does.
Oh.
That was my light bulb moment. I realized that taking someone for granted had insidiously become a two way street, right through the middle of our home.
“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned” (Romans 12:3).
When we examine our attitude toward giving, in view of this scripture, it’s apparent our pride can become overblown, providing fertile ground for the misconception that we’re doing so much more than our spouse.
How often do we consider blandly our spouse’s daily diligence without ever recognizing how it enriches us?
Strive to not take for granted single-minded adherence to the routine and mundane. Through these everyday practices our spouse communicates, “I value you. I value our marriage and our family.”
I now understand that Randy does what he normally does because that’s how he demonstrates his love and commitment to me, and our family; that he delights in lightening my load and spontaneously surprising me, just because. And that he readily receives and views my contributions in the same light.
These days I’m learning to recognize blessings, both big and small. In doing so, I’ve discovered a heart-warming answer for those occasional times I’ve found myself pondering…what have you done for me lately?
